If you are looking for butterflies and sunshine, you should probably skip this post...
First, let me start my saying I"m sorry. I have completely withdrawn from the world since we have been back from Bulgaria. I have been trying to stay positive, keep my head up, and stay motivated. On every single front I have failed.
I feel lost and empty.
I miss our kids.
I've tried using my positive phrases to convince myself that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. But the inability to know what our children are doing everyday is killing me. I wonder if they are sick or hurt or sad or happy. I want to hear about their days. Better yet, I want to celebrate their days with them. This "between visits" wasteland is killing a piece of my soul everyday. I just don't know how to make myself feel whole. I don't know how to make myself feel happy. I have a serious case of the blahs...
I've been trying to keep my head up. When people ask me about our kids I smile, answer and try to stay positive. It's the worst when someone asks you a question with a sad look on their face. How am I supposed to make others feel okay about our adoption and its process when I am in pieces over here.
I hate feeling this way.
I'm sorry I've been neglecting the blog. I've also been neglecting my family and friends - and I am sincerely sorry for that too. I just don't have the strength to comfort everyone around me and answer all of the same questions over and over again.
I know that everyone is excited and happy for us and you are all invested in our journey. I really, really appreciate your love and support. I"m just struggling right now.
I promise I will work on pulling myself back together.
I promise I will try to be better.
But I feel like I left my spirit and my heart back in Bulgaria -- and I just don't feel whole at the moment. I'm going through my daily tasks and only accomplishing the things that *must* be done today...right now I have tons of tasks that are sitting on the burner and I feel completely overwhelmed.
I'm trying.
I miss our Prince and Princess.
My heart is broken.
Please, oh please, let this past. I can't stay in this place of sadness until they come home.
Love,
Lura
First, let me start my saying I"m sorry. I have completely withdrawn from the world since we have been back from Bulgaria. I have been trying to stay positive, keep my head up, and stay motivated. On every single front I have failed.
I feel lost and empty.
I miss our kids.
I've tried using my positive phrases to convince myself that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. But the inability to know what our children are doing everyday is killing me. I wonder if they are sick or hurt or sad or happy. I want to hear about their days. Better yet, I want to celebrate their days with them. This "between visits" wasteland is killing a piece of my soul everyday. I just don't know how to make myself feel whole. I don't know how to make myself feel happy. I have a serious case of the blahs...
I've been trying to keep my head up. When people ask me about our kids I smile, answer and try to stay positive. It's the worst when someone asks you a question with a sad look on their face. How am I supposed to make others feel okay about our adoption and its process when I am in pieces over here.
I hate feeling this way.
I'm sorry I've been neglecting the blog. I've also been neglecting my family and friends - and I am sincerely sorry for that too. I just don't have the strength to comfort everyone around me and answer all of the same questions over and over again.
I know that everyone is excited and happy for us and you are all invested in our journey. I really, really appreciate your love and support. I"m just struggling right now.
I promise I will work on pulling myself back together.
I promise I will try to be better.
But I feel like I left my spirit and my heart back in Bulgaria -- and I just don't feel whole at the moment. I'm going through my daily tasks and only accomplishing the things that *must* be done today...right now I have tons of tasks that are sitting on the burner and I feel completely overwhelmed.
I'm trying.
I miss our Prince and Princess.
My heart is broken.
Please, oh please, let this past. I can't stay in this place of sadness until they come home.
Love,
Lura
How else are you supposed to feel? Of course a part of you is missing. You're a mother and your kids aren't in your home ... yet! That's the great part though, with each passing second, minute, hour, day, and week, you two are that much closer to having your babies at home where they belong. Do you remember when we talked last fall, about how it would seem like forever? Doesn't it seem like that call was forever ago? I know it sounds trite to say that "this too shall pass" but it will. I don't think you should apologize, feelings are honest expressions of what's going on internally. I'd rather know how you're doing than know you're hiding it. So don't worry about those missing pieces of your heart, at least you know where they are, you've left them with your children.
ReplyDelete